terrifying [June 16th, 2007] Jerry and I kissed for the first time today. We've been talking for the past four days, just hours and hours on the phone. I've been drunk two nights out of the four. The first night, and tonight. In between I have been drinking with Jerica. Last night was the worst. Jerica, Kelli, and Nick spent the night, and Kelli and Nick got so WASTED. They made out and Nick ended up crying talking about how he was thinking of Elaine the whole time and how he felt gross. Boohoo nick made out with the slut of the world. At this point Kelli and Dan are about to break up, I still don't know what is going to happen, but this morning when Kelli woke up she asked me if I was Dan would I break up with her... yeah, duh. She's slept with AT LEAST four people since she and Dan started to date. Anyways, Jerica and I had to take care of both of them. Actually mostly Jerica, because I was too busy talking to Jerry the whole time. Jerry Lee :). We were drinking bacardis and smirnoffs. So, Jerica drank 8, and when we counted the bottles, AND the empty boxes, there were only 16 gone. That means that Kelli, me, AND Nick shared 8. Nick brought his own Vodka though, so he defn was shitfaced. Kelli on the other hand was taking her shirt off and all this stuuuupid drunk shit. I never got DRUNK, but i was buzzin pretty hard, so I probably had like 1 and a half at the very most.  Back to my problem..  Jerry is Stuart's new boyfriend. By boyfriend I mean his new friend that he thinks is super cool and talks about all the time. So Stuart had been talking about this Jerry guy for like.. a week or two before I met him which was four days ago. The first time I met him, Stuart and I were just at the skatepark and he showed up, he messed with Stuart a little bit and then Stuart's like, "dude let's go to the skatepark",  COMMENT.

VII [October 24th, 2006] this school year's been a bust. i've lost a couple friends, and that kinda sucks. i've settled for some people though, which is gay and i hate doing it, but whatever. i have to spend 7 hours there everyday so why not have some kids to talk to. ( shit, son ) oh school, how i hate you. COMMENT.

[September 25th, 2006] Marina by T.S. Eliot Quis hic locus, quae regio, quae mundi plaga? What seas what shores what grey rocks and what islands What water lapping the bow And scent of pine and the woodthrush singing through the fog What images return O my daughter.     Those who sharpen the tooth of the dog, meaning Death Those who glitter with the glory of the humming-bird, meaning Death Those who sit in the sty of contentment, meaning Death Those who suffer the ecstasy of the animals, meaning Death     Are become insubstantial, reduced by a wind, A breath of pine, and the woodsong fog By this grace dissolved in place     What is this face, less clear and clearer The pulse in the arm, less strong and stronger -- Given or lent? more distant than stars and nearer than the eye     Whispers and small laughter between leaves and hurrying feet Under sleep, where all the waters meet.     Bowsprit cracked with ice and paint cracked with heat. I made this, I have forgotten And remember. The rigging weak and the canvas rotten Between one June and another September. Made this unknowing, half conscious, unknown, my own. The garboard strake leaks, the seams need caulking. This form, this face, this life Living to live in a world of time beyond me; let me Resign my life for this life, my speech for that unspoken, The awakened, lips parted, the hope, the new ships.     What seas what shores what granite islands towards my timbers And woodthrush calling through the fog My daughter.  ( text ) COMMENT.

VI [August 7th, 2006] this weekend was nice. show at the basement, and multiplex. i wish huntsville scene would move up to fayetville, its kind of pathetic.  i bought donnie darko, and watched it twice. i've wanted that movie since like march. i think i understand it now. my mom and dad love it.  computer, algebraic connections, physical science, spanish 1. that is my hell for the next 18 weeks. computer will change to health, but whatever. stuart turns sixteen in like 26/25 days. hes excited about it. i dont think it'll be as fun as he thinks. 2 / COMMENT.

V [August 4th, 2006] Hmm, i really cant stand school at this point. I really dont have any good fun classes. I have to take Phys. Science with the freshman, and i keep finding ways to embarass myself. like today, i went to first lunch, then went upstairs to science, and when i walked in everyone was seated and taking notes. i was really confused, and i thought i might've walked in early, so i said oops, and walked out. well, it wasnt the wrong class and my teacher came in and told me i've been going to the wrong lunch. in reality, i have 4th lunch. AGAIN. at 12.50. grr. weelllll, hopefully my camera will come back soon. its kind of strange, because no ones really changed that much over the summer. and its also odd how all the freshman are hyper and little. like short.. i've been my height for a while. and i dont think i ever acted as stupid as most of them do. maybe thats just what everyone thinks, but i dont know. 2 / COMMENT.

II [July 24th, 2006] i had to get two shots today. we went in for one,  tetnus(sp), and came out with one for "deathly menangitis". wtf ever that is. ugh. my arms so so sore. it dosent help that i went over to stuarts and he hit me on both places. he did give me a band-aide though, because he ripped the one off, and it said, "not a wussy", which is extremely ironic, because i cried about fifteen minutes before and after i was immunized. I miss playing with sidewalk chalk. I opened a pack at Stuarts, and we both drew for a long time. I drew a long neck, and he drew some "toy machine" turtle that ended up having about eight eyes. school starts the thursday after this one. this'll be my first full yeah at Hazel Green. im kind of excited for school to start. summer is starting to burn me out. don't get me wrong, i love my mother hounding me to ride my horse, clean my room and bathroom, and do the dishes, but seriously. i cant wait for my schedule, gaaah. i need to know whether i have to read my required reading right now or no. "Into Thin Air", i heard it was boring. I hope im still friends with the same people i was last year, but i dont know. high school dosent really matter. I've got Kayla and Stuart and I guess i dont really need anybody else.  my cameras broken, and my moms sending it to get fixed tomorrow. i hope it dosent take forever, cause there were a zillion good picture moments today. i got some on my phone, but dkjhgfjdsf some of them were so funny.  im in dire need of a puppy. i hope deanna sells a bunch of hers, cause she said we'd be able to have the last one for freeee. cavalier king charles spaniels. originally $1500. i feel licky. COMMENT.

[July 22nd, 2006] My parents got along so good today. i really dont like it when they do that. i dont know if its just me being self-centered or whatever, but i dont care. we left my little sister at the neighbors house, so they took me out. we went to bonefish grill and i had the most amazing salmon everrr. better be for $17. the whole time they were talking nice to eachother, and to me. my family has been getting along lately, when i think about it. i went ot work out with my father this morning, and we didnt get in one fight. i did run two miles. it was fantastic. i sweat so much. i think excercising makes me happiest. you know some people get their endorphins from crying or chocolate or hugs or whatever, mines from excercise. i lie so much. i lie about the gayest things too, i dont expect anyone to believe me. i usually just make up stories to entertain myself, cause when people im you being all, "hey sup", what should i tell them? "Nm", NO WAY. i hate it so much when people do that. ill tell them i ran over a raccoon today, why not right? who runs over raccoons, nobody. why would you believe that? 2 / COMMENT.

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